Lessons Learned

Communication is an art, and mastering it can be the key to your success, whether you’re closing a deal, giving a presentation, or simply having a meaningful conversation. But what many people don’t realize is that communication isn’t just about the words you say. It’s about how you say them, and perhaps even more importantly, the nonverbal messages you convey through body language and facial expressions.

I learned this firsthand from a powerful lesson with Mike Ferry, a legendary sales trainer and coach.

The Day Mike Ferry Changed My Perspective on Smiling

Years ago, I was sitting in an office building with Mike Ferry, attending a three-day coaches’ training. In the middle of the first day, Mike looked at me and said, “Mark, you’ve got a great smile… but we don’t see it very often.”

I was taken aback. I’d never received feedback like that before. Mike went on to explain that while my smile was warm and inviting, my intense look during conversations made me seem angry or unapproachable. My seriousness and focus crinkled my forehead in a way that unintentionally sent the wrong message. I wasn’t angry—I was just paying close attention, absorbing every detail.

This was a powerful revelation: My body language was undermining my communication.

Why Your Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words

Did you know that communication is:

• 7% the words you use
• 38% the tone of your voice
• 55% body language and visual cues

Your body language and facial expressions speak volumes before you even open your mouth. As you can learn from my experience, a genuine smile can make you more approachable, relatable, and trustworthy, while a furrowed brow can unintentionally communicate anger or frustration.

Mastering Your Voice for Effective Communication

Your voice is a powerful tool. It’s not about having a deep, radio-perfect tone; it’s about using pitch, pace, and rhythm effectively.

• Pitch and Tone: A warm, steady tone builds trust, while a high-pitched or squeaky voice can convey nervousness or insecurity.
• Pace: Speak too quickly, and you might seem anxious. Speak too slowly, and you risk losing your listener’s attention. Find a rhythm that feels natural and mirrors your listener’s cadence.
• Emphasis and Variation: Change the speed and volume of your speech for emphasis. This keeps your audience engaged and helps you communicate key points more effectively.

The Power of Nonverbal Cues: Eye Contact and Smiling

Your facial expressions can either enhance or undermine your message. Here’s what to keep in mind:

• Eye Contact: Too little makes you seem untrustworthy; too much can feel intimidating. A natural variation in eye contact conveys confidence and engagement.
• Smiling: A genuine smile not only makes you more approachable but also changes how you sound, even over the phone.

Pro Tip: Try placing a mirror in front of you during phone conversations to remind yourself to smile. You’ll notice how your energy and tone naturally become more positive and engaging.

The Impact of Movement and Posture in Communication

Great communicators don’t stand still. They own the space they’re in.

• Posture: Standing tall projects confidence, while leaning in shows interest.
• Gestures and Movement: Use purposeful hand gestures to emphasize key points. Movement also energizes your voice, particularly when speaking on the phone where body language isn’t visible.

A Call to Action: Practice Makes Perfect

This week, I challenge you to record yourself speaking. Pay attention to:

• Your voice’s tone, pitch, and emphasis
• Your use of pauses and rhythm
• Your facial expressions and body language

If you’re on the phone often, try standing and moving while you speak. Notice how your energy and voice become more engaging.

Final Thoughts: Communicate with Confidence

Mastering communication is not just about saying the right words. It’s about delivering them in a way that resonates with your audience. Smile more, vary your tone, control your body language, and move with purpose.

Learning all of these principles changed how I communicate, and I hope it helps you too. Remember, people might forget what you say, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel. Communicate with confidence and leave a lasting impression.

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